January 20, 2013 – Head coach Bill Belichick emerges from beneath his bridge to inform travelers that the toll to be paid is 5 farthings lest the other side they never see.

June 26, 2013 – Tight end Aaron Hernandez demonstrates that he's still got that distant model ennui stare despite apparently being denied the right to keep and bear arms.

October 13, 2013 – Quarterback Tom Brady takes the podium to explain once and for all that he is not a whipped pretty boy whose clothes are picked out by his wife, but declines to answer reporters' questions as he must attend to important matters that involve walking a small dog and purchasing feminine hygiene products.

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