December 17, 2010  ·  tech

The case for a Pneumatic Tube Internet

Remember the days of "please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery?" Neither do we. Our collective tolerance for delivery transit time has evaporated with a speed that has frankly outstripped the shipping industry's rate of improvement in this area. Online package tracking has only accellerated the pace of our expectations, to the point where if the guy in the brown suit shows up more than two hours after the UPS website shows your package as "out for delivery" he's likely to be greeted with a "GIMME MY S**T ALREADY, YOU F**K!"

This is why Unrefinery is calling for a new Internet made of pneumatic tubes. We don't want to wait 24 hours for that domestic shirt or sweater order to arrive; we want it in 24 minutes. Or less. And we don't want to pick up our lunch orders anymore, or wait for the spotty kid in his rusty POS car. Put it in the damn tube; we're hungry NOW. Complications with delivering condiments might bring a whole new meaning to the word "packet loss", but these are problems that we can all solve if we work together.

The United States' sluggish economy and weak job market could use a big public works infrastructure project. China could team up to cover the Asian market, offering the world another, quicker means of buying their crap. It's a win for everyone. Let's get started.

(Image: Google Maps satellite photo of what is believed to be a prototype pneumatic tube Internet router.)

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